ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
