Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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