she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize