3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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