he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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