So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
