i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
