Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
