We're facebook friends in real life
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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