I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize