I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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