Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
