On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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