is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
