I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You smell like stripper and shame
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
