dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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