WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
