I'm gonna have a badass scar
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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