Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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