So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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