i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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