respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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