He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
