Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
