Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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