dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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