so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
