Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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