I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
