Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
