She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
