Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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