how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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