A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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