Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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