After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
