Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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