Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
