Your tits are I can't wait for
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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