So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
