It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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