How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
