I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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