I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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