We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
