Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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