Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
