first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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