are you so shy because you have an std?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Bring me that man meat
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
