I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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