sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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