I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
