Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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