Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
