So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
