I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
