When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
