I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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