glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
