Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
