Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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