Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
