I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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