that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
