"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
