You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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