im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dignity is for republicans.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
